Insecurities

by Author

Insecurities, iyan ang pinakamadalas na problema ng isang tao at isa sa pinakamahirap lutasin. Dahil sa insecurities, may mga bagay tayong napapabayaan. May mga bagay tayong nakakaligtaan dahil ang nasa isip lang natin ay… “Sana ganito ako…” “Sana ganun din ako…” sana…sana…sana… puro kasi tayo sana. Lagi tayong nagkukumpara ng sarili natin sa iba. Hindi ko sinasabi na hindi ko naranasan yan. I have enough experience about insecurities, name it! Dahil sa insecurities na yan, hindi ko alam kung saan ako dapat lumugar. I even asked myself “Ano ba? Ano ba talagang gusto ko? Ako pa ba ‘to?” I tried to change not to be better but to be perfect not because it’s for the best but because it’s what I need.

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I needed to fit in sa isang mundong na ni ha, ni ho, di ko alam kung anong pinapasukan ko. It’s not peer pressure, ako lang talaga ang may gusto kasi ang isip ko laging advance, ayokong napapahiya, ayokong inaayawan ako… gusto ko laging perfect. I don’t want to commit mistakes kaya ginawa kong shield ang insecurities ko. I hid in my own shadows, covering myself up and making my insecurities as the real me, you know, pretending to be yourself but you’re not. Showing your perfect side and forgetting who you really are.

Insecurities made me weak. Insecurities made me scared. Insecurities made me feel that I don’t exist, but, insecurities made me realize that nobody’s perfect. Alam mo yun, you tried but then you got tired of trying to be someone else.

Dahil sa insecurities, maraming akong nagawang mga bagay na masasabi kong masama dahil minsan I tried to pull down my friends para ako ang manguna, minsan naman I discouraged them kasi ayokong napag-iiwanan, I talked behind their backs kasi gusto ako ang laging bida.

I don’t hate myself for that but I do feel pathetic and ashamed  that I did that before. Hindi ko sinasabing masama ang mag­­­­karoon ng insecurities, natural lang yan. Lahat ng tao nakakaramdam ‘nyan, miski yang mga iniidolo ninyo, ‘yang mga taong sa tingin niyo ay super galing at super perfect… lahat yan may mga insecurities, itinatago lang nila.

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If you feel insecure, it’s fine but don’t let it eat you. Don’t change yourself just to fit in to the world that you don’t even recognize. Sige ka, baka pagkagising mo isang araw, pagharap mo sa salamin hindi mo na kilala ang sarili mo at ang nakikita mo lang ay yung pekeng ikaw na paulit-ulit mong binabago.

Siguro akala niyo, kapag binago niyo ang totoong kayo katanggap-tanggap ka na. You’re wrong! Tinanggap ka bilang ibang tao, hindi bilang ikaw. Sa tingin mo ba magiging masaya ka? Yes? Eep! I don’t think so.

Insecurities can make you look perfect but never happy.

So think twice, do you want to hide and pretend to be someone else or do you want to be yourself and be accepted as who really are?

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